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A Special Gift A poem by David Hall; david92061@yahoo.com Dedicated to the all wonderful patients (new friends), psychiatrists, and therapists at both MEADHAVEN and MEADHAVEN OUTPATIENT CENTER
By 2001, most seem to give-up on me due to physical disabilities after breaking my back. I know the hurt that those with disabilities feel when opportunities are all that they lack. I stayed strong and found help from Voc Rehab, which assist those with disabilities. Voc Rehab busted down those overwhelming barriers, which gave me new opportunities. I obtained an Associate’s Degree, and currently, I’m pursuing a Bachelor’s Degree. I proved others were wrong for telling me to accept living on Social Security Disability. It has been a hard mountain to conquer, but I finally reached my senior year. I had endured ten major surgeries, have chronic pains, and have shed many, many tears. But it was help from my loving, supportive wife; she gave me the power to stay strong. But after the end of my spring semester in 2006, my life took a turn and went so wrong!
In only two weeks, so much tragic news crushed me so hard that I was unable to cope. Another lumbar fusion, a divorce, and a death in my family caused me to loose all hope. I began developing many new symptoms that shocked me with frightening episodes! I began crying and violently shaking for hours; my heart felt as if it would explode! I had spiraled down into that lonely, sad, hopeless hole known as Major Depression! On Sunday, June 25, 2006, I no longer wanted to live and death was my only obsession. I had carefully calculated the amount of drugs to kill me that would end all my pains. I swallowed handfuls of pills, chased them down with beer but four pills still remained. I heard a voice, perhaps from a higher power, that asked, “Is that four pills that you see?” I’m about crazy by now, and I looked up and said, “Well hell yes, what else could it be.” The voice replied, “If you don’t know, you should end it now, swallow them quickly.” I’m lightheaded by now but looked at the four pills again; in a flash it all came to me. These are not four pills that I see; each pill represents a member of my family. One is my former wife, two are for my daughters, and the last one is for me. I could not hurt the ones I love the most, but I still wanted my pains to end! I started crying and shaking again, and suddenly, I also thought of my best friends. I place the four pills into a cup, and barely had the strength to call 911. I don’t remember much, but I do recall a doctor telling me that you’re a lucky one. I looked up once more and said, ”Thank You God,” and then, silently I prayed… I don’t know why I deserved your help, but thank you for letting me to live another day.
Everything that we do and everything that happens, I believe, happens for a reason. I use my experiences to help others; now I can also help others understand depression. We live in fear and conflict, because we don’t accept and understand our diversities. We wonder why education sucks so much in our country, “The Land of Opportunity.” First we must look at the big picture and truthfully answer, “Is This a Land of Equality?” We stopped expecting high expectations from everyone, thus, devastating all creativity. We suffer from Major Depression, Bi-Polar Disorders and countless other disabilities. We all have a special gift because we can adapt, accept, and overcome our adversities. Once we become more content with our pains, anger, hurt, fears, guilt, and many more. We will be more caring, kind, compassionate, and understanding people forevermore! Our gift is one that we should use to help others through the endless struggles in life. Our gift will not only help us but will also help others to have a better quality of life.
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